Category: Uncategorized

Still Here. Albeit Slowly.

I almost didn’t write this post.

Not because I don’t have anything to say. I always have something to say. But because putting this winter into words means sitting with it long enough to find them — and honestly, I’ve been too busy surviving it to do much reflecting.

It’s May now. I’m only just coming up for air.

Here’s what the last several months looked like.

It started in the fall. Epstein Barr — the kind of exhaustion that gets into your bones and doesn’t negotiate. I was still fighting that when late November hit and a neck injury decided to join the party.

I was already two fights deep when a week after Christmas the first bottle baby arrived. A kid — tiny, loud, needing feeding every few hours around the clock the way newborns do whether you’re healthy or not.

January brought Influenza A. And then on the 21st — right in the thick of it — the second kid arrived.

Late March. Triplets.

Five bottle babies total. In the house. All spring. And a Dysautonomia that was progressing in ways I was still trying to understand, dropping my blood pressure without warning and taking me down with it.

I want you to picture that for a second.

Epstein Barr. A neck injury. Influenza A. Progressing Dysautonomia. Two bottle baby goats in the house by January needing around the clock care. An Alaska winter outside that does not care about any of your problems.

And then three more in late March.

I have never been so simultaneously exhausted and kept alive by something in my entire life.

I couldn’t have done it alone. I want to say that clearly because I spent a lot of years believing that asking for help was a kind of failure and this winter dismantled that lie completely. People helped with animal care. People showed up. And I am grateful in the bone-deep way you can only be grateful when you genuinely needed something and someone actually came through.

We lost a few ducks. We lost a turkey hen. I won’t pretend that doesn’t hurt — every animal on this farm matters and every loss is felt. But the goats made it. The kids made it. The flock held. The farm held.

I held.

Barely. Slowly. On the days when my body fainted and my neck screamed and my energy was so depleted I measured it in minutes rather than hours — I held.

Not because I’m strong in the way people mean when they call disabled people strong. Not because I have some inspirational relationship with suffering that makes it meaningful instead of just hard.

Because I’m stubborn. Because there were animals that needed feeding. Because five bottle babies don’t care that you have Influenza A and they will absolutely scream about it until you get up.

It’s May now.

The kids are growing. The farm is still standing. I am still standing, slower than I was in the fall, quieter than I’d like to be, still finding the edges of what this winter took from me and what it left behind.

But still here.

That has to be enough for today.

Because tomorrow there’s more to do.

And I’ll be here for that too.

Dana Eden’s Edge, Nikiski Alaska

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We Feed People Because No One Should Be Hungry. Now Let’s Talk About What That Actually Costs.

Here it is:

We Feed People Because No One Should Be Hungry. Now Let’s Talk About What That Actually Costs.

That’s the tagline on the letterhead of my regional food bank.

“We feed people because no one should be hungry.”

It’s a good line. The kind of line that makes people feel good about dropping a can of soup in a donation box at the grocery store. The kind of line that gets printed on fundraising mailers and annual reports and the bottom of executive director emails.

It’s also the kind of line that deserves to be examined.

So let’s examine it.

I want to walk you through how food banking actually works in my community and in yours. Not the brochure version. The documented version, pulled directly from publicly available partnership materials and IRS Form 990 filings that anyone can look up right now on ProPublica’s Nonprofit Explorer.

Here’s the chain.

Grocery stores donate food. Produce approaching its date. Bread. Protein. Canned goods. They donate it because they believe it’s going to feed hungry people in their community. That’s the whole point. That’s the story everyone has been told.

The food arrives at the food bank.

For free.

Now here’s where it gets interesting.

That free donated food doesn’t simply flow to hungry people. First it flows through a system. And that system has a price tag.

Want to be a partner organization, a church, a small nonprofit, a community pantry, and receive some of that donated food to distribute to hungry people in your community?

Here’s what it costs you in my region.

One hundred dollars per year. Two year commitment. Non-negotiable.

And then every single time your designated shopper comes to pick up food, nineteen cents per pound. On donated groceries. That the food bank received for free from your local grocery store.

But you can’t even get to the fee schedule until you clear the eligibility requirements. And those requirements are considerable.

You must be a 501(c)(3). You must operate from a commercial location, explicitly in their own documentation, not a private residence. You must have dedicated refrigerators and freezers with working thermometers and written temperature logs updated weekly. You must have a Food Safety Handling certified primary contact. You must carry comprehensive general liability insurance. You must distribute food at a consistent location at least once a month. You must hand out SNAP outreach materials and 211 information at every distribution. You must be registered on 211. You must have a functioning Board of Directors. You must apply during a one month window, March 1 to March 31, once per year. Miss the window and wait another year.

And if you’re a faith-based organization operating out of your own building? You’re welcome to participate, but you may not express your faith to the people you’re serving or require attendance at any service or event to receive food. Follow the rules. Pay the fees. Accept whatever product arrives. Stay within the restrictions of the program.

Now before anyone thinks this is just a Kenai Peninsula problem, let me be very clear about something important.

These aren’t individual organizational choices. Every food bank I’ve looked at across Alaska operates under the same framework because they all answer to the same national authority, Feeding America, the network that sets the standards, the policies, and the per-pound fee structures that trickle down to every partner organization in the country.

The Food Bank of Alaska in Anchorage? Same commercial location requirement. Same food storage requirements. Same temperature logs. Same food safety certification. Same eligibility barriers that exclude grassroots operations. They don’t publish their fee structure as openly, but their IRS filings show program service revenue charged to partner agencies every single year.

The Fairbanks Community Food Bank? Same pattern. Program service fees charged to partner agencies year after year, documented in their public 990 filings. And their most recent filings note something worth mentioning: reported conflict of interest transactions. Multiple years running. That’s not my characterization. That’s a checkbox on their own federal tax return.

This is a statewide pattern because it’s a national policy.

Feeding America sets the rules. Local food banks implement them. And the organizations closest to hungry people, the church pantries, the small nonprofits, the grassroots operations, pay the price. Literally.

I tried to qualify for this system myself.

Eden’s Edge, a working 501(c)(3) nonprofit farm that has donated meat, eggs, and produce to seniors, veterans, and low income families on the Kenai Peninsula with zero fees, zero barriers, and zero strings attached, cannot access this system.

No commercial kitchen.

A farm that is actively raising and donating real food to hungry people in this community cannot receive supplemental donated food to expand what it gives away because I farm on land in Nikiski instead of inside a commercial building.

The system designed to feed people excluded the farm actually feeding people.

I want you to sit with the specific absurdity of that.

Now let’s talk about what I’ve personally received through partner organizations in my community, the churches and small pantries that did qualify, that paid their fees, that met their requirements, that sent their shoppers and paid their nineteen cents a pound.

I have personally received food distributed through this system that was not fit to give to the families I serve. Moldy produce. Boxes with product that should never have left a warehouse. Food that a hungry family, a senior, a veteran, a mother trying to feed her kids, was apparently expected to be grateful for because need is supposed to lower your standards.

It doesn’t lower mine.

And it shouldn’t lower anyone’s.

Now. The salaries.

Nonprofit executive compensation is public record. IRS Form 990 filings are available to anyone through ProPublica’s Nonprofit Explorer. I looked them up. Here is what those documents show, exact figures, public record, sourced directly from federal filings, for food bank leadership across Alaska:

Kenai Peninsula Food Bank, Executive Director 2024: $91,713 2023: $92,962 2022: $84,000 2021: $88,833 2021 federal audit finding: material noncompliance, material weakness in internal controls, significant deficiency in internal controls. Source: Federal Audit Clearinghouse.

Food Bank of Alaska, Anchorage 2024: CEO $115,105 plus $29,360 in additional compensation COO: $111,305. Chief Program Officer: $105,875. Total executive compensation reported: $315,157 in a single year. Annual revenue: $21.7 million. 97.9% from donations. 2020 federal audit finding: material weakness in internal controls.

Fairbanks Community Food Bank, CEO 2024: $99,598 2023: $88,615 2022: $101,831 Reported conflict of interest transactions on federal filings multiple years running.

These are not numbers I invented. These are numbers these organizations reported to the federal government. They are public record. You can look them up yourself at projects.propublica.org/nonprofits.

Now let’s do some math.

Across just these three Alaska food banks, in a state with a total population of roughly 730,000 people, leadership compensation runs into the hundreds of thousands of dollars annually. Funded almost entirely by public donations and federal grants. While church pantries pay per-pound fees on donated groceries. While grassroots farms get excluded for not having commercial kitchens. While families receive moldy boxes and are expected to be grateful.

And at the top of the entire chain, Feeding America, the national network setting all of these policies, has drawn executive compensation that dwarfs anything you’ll see at the state level. Their filings are public record too. Look them up.

I want to be precise about what I am and am not saying.

I am not saying every person working inside these organizations is indifferent to hungry people. I am not saying food banks do no good. I am not making up numbers or attributing motives I cannot document.

What I am saying, and I will say it as plainly as I know how, is this:

A national system that charges per-pound fees on donated food, erects eligibility barriers that exclude the most grassroots community operations, delivers substandard product to the organizations doing the hardest work, compensates its leadership generously at every level of the chain, and is governed by a national authority that sets policies prioritizing institutional compliance over community access, in my view, based on everything I have documented and personally experienced, does not function as a hunger relief system.

It functions as a hunger management system.

And those are not the same thing.

Hunger relief ends hunger.

Hunger management needs hunger to continue in order to justify its own existence.

I’ll let you decide which one this is.

There’s one more thing I want to say. And I want to say it carefully because it matters.

I donated just over seventy pounds of goat meat to this system. Farm raised. Real protein. Given freely because that’s what I do.

I never received a thank you. Not a call. Not an email. Not a form letter. Nothing.

A year later, still trying to find ways to do more, to expand what Eden’s Edge could give back to this community, I requested the partner application packet.

I read through it and found out I don’t qualify.

So let me make sure I have this right.

This system accepted a donation from my farm.

It just won’t accept my farm.

It took what I grew and gave it away.

It just won’t let me sit at the table.

That’s not a policy oversight. That’s a feature.

Feeding America’s network standards systematically exclude farm operations from partnership, no commercial kitchen, no partner status, while placing no such barrier on accepting farm donations.

They want what farms produce.

They just don’t want farms.

Make of that what you will.

And I’ll say one more thing while I’m at it.

I have personally seen what comes out of those distribution boxes. Produce so far gone it shouldn’t have left the warehouse. Food that required sorting through just to find anything usable.

Which raises a question nobody seems to be asking out loud:

If a system with warehouses, staff, refrigeration, and temperature logs, all those commercial requirements they use to exclude farms like mine, can’t get produce to people before it rots, what exactly are those requirements protecting?

Because from where I’m standing, on a working farm in Nikiski Alaska, with my hands in the dirt and my animals fed and my community showing up at my gate, it looks less like food safety and more like gatekeeping.

A farm that knows how to grow food, harvest it, and get it to people while it’s still good gets excluded.

A warehouse that sends out moldy boxes gets called the system.

Something is wrong with that picture.

Meanwhile Eden’s Edge will keep doing what we do.

No fees. No per-pound charges. No eligibility barriers. No commercial kitchen requirement. No annual application window. No six-figure salaries. No moldy boxes passed off as charity.

Just a disabled woman on a fixed income in Nikiski Alaska, who knows what hunger feels like from both sides of it, raising animals, growing food, and giving it to anyone who needs it because that is what feeding people actually looks like when you strip away the infrastructure and the bureaucracy and the taglines.

Every dollar that comes into this farm goes back into this farm and back into this community.

Every. Single. One.

You can verify that too. Our 990 is public record just like theirs.

We feed people because no one should be hungry.

Prove it.

Dana Eden’s Edge, Nikiski Alaska

All compensation figures are sourced from IRS Form 990 filings publicly available through ProPublica’s Nonprofit Explorer. Kenai Peninsula Food Bank EIN: 94-3112445. Food Bank of Alaska EIN: 92-0073175. Fairbanks Community Food Bank EIN: 92-0088266. Audit findings are sourced from the Federal Audit Clearinghouse. Partnership program requirements are sourced from publicly distributed Request for Partnership documentation and publicly available agency partner information on organizational websites. Feeding America per-pound shared maintenance fees are standard network policy documented in partner agency agreements across the country.

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December Dispatch: Napoleon, 100 Boxes, and a Peninsula Fed

December 28, 2025

It’s been a full December.

We welcomed Napoleon this week. A tiny bottle baby kid who made the journey down from the Matsu Valley and has already decided he owns the place. He’s loud, he’s dramatic, and he fits right in.

While Napoleon was busy announcing his arrival to anyone who would listen, we were busy getting 100 food boxes out the door and across the Kenai Peninsula.

Each box went out with rabbit, duck, dried pinto beans, black beans, and lentils. Fresh potatoes and carrots. Canned goods to round it out.

Real food. Protein. Produce. The kind of box you can actually cook a meal from.

100 families. 100 boxes. Right before the new year.

That’s what this farm is for.

Napoleon agrees. He’s already trying to eat the distribution list.

Here’s to a fed community and a loud little goat to close out the year.

Dana Eden’s Edge, Nikiski Alaska Hell Raising. Hope Giving. Farm Fed.

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What Hunger Actually Looks Like

People think they know what hunger looks like.

They picture a child in a foreign country. A photograph. Big eyes and a distended belly and a fly on the cheek. Something far away and dramatic and safely not here.

They don’t picture a senior in Nikiski who hasn’t had real protein in three weeks because her fixed income ran out before the month did and she’s too proud to ask anyone for help.

They don’t picture a veteran who knows exactly where the food bank is and won’t walk through the door because the last time he asked for help it came with paperwork and pity and a look that made him feel like less of a man.

They don’t picture a mother who feeds her kids first and calls it not hungry when there’s nothing left.

I know what hunger looks like because I’ve lived it. Not the dramatic version. The quiet American version, the one that happens behind closed doors and inside people who smile and say they’re fine and mean it less every day.

I grew up understanding that food was not guaranteed. That the difference between enough and not enough was smaller than people wanted to believe and closer than anyone comfortable ever admits.

That understanding never left me. It shaped everything I built here.

Because hunger in America doesn’t look like the photograph. It looks like dignity being quietly dismantled one skipped meal at a time. It looks like a person calculating whether the gas to get to the food bank costs more than the food they’d bring home. It looks like shame, deep, corrosive, completely unnecessary shame, that we have built into the very systems designed to help.

We have made needing food a moral failing in this country.

We have structured charity as a transaction that requires the receiver to prove their worthiness, to fill out forms, to show identification, to answer questions about their income, to stand in lines that announce to anyone watching exactly what their circumstances are.

And then we wonder why people don’t ask for help.

I built Eden’s Edge to be different from all of that.

No forms. No income verification. No ID. No questions. No pity. No performance of gratitude required.

You need food. We have food. That’s the transaction.

But I want to be honest about something that took me a long time to admit.

Even doing it right — even removing every barrier I could think of, people still struggle to show up.

Because the shame isn’t just in the systems. It’s inside the people the systems failed. It lives there even after the barriers are gone. Even when someone like me stands in the mud and says loudly and repeatedly, there is no judgment here, come get what you need, the voice inside some people is louder than mine.

That voice was put there by every time they were made to feel like a burden. By every form they had to fill out. By every look from someone behind a desk that said you are less than.

I can tear down external barriers all day long.

The internal ones are harder.

And that makes me angry, not at the people carrying them, but at every system and every interaction and every policy that put them there in the first place.

Hunger in America looks like a senior eating cereal for the third night in a row because she won’t ask for help.

It looks like a veteran going without meat for a month.

It looks like a family driving past a food bank because the parking lot feels like an announcement.

It looks like a woman on a farm in Alaska in the middle of winter wondering if anyone is going to show up for what she’s offering — and understanding, deeply, why they might not.

That’s what hunger looks like.

Not a photograph.

A person. Right here. Trying to hold their dignity together with both hands while the system that should be helping them makes it harder.

Eden’s Edge exists because I’ve been that person.

And because nobody should have to be.

Dana Eden’s Edge, Nikiski Alaska

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What This Farm Costs Me

People see the farm and think they understand what it takes.

They think about the physical work, the feeding, the mucking, the hauling, the endless list of things that need doing regardless of what your body is doing that day. They think about the money, the feed bills, the vet costs, the infrastructure that always needs something. They see a disabled woman farming in Alaska and they think, that must be so hard.

They’re not wrong.

But they’re not seeing the whole cost either.

Let me tell you what this farm actually costs me.

It costs me animals.

Not in the abstract. Not as a farming fact of life that you get used to and eventually stop feeling.

I never stop feeling it.

Every animal on this farm has a name in my heart even when it doesn’t have one on paper. Every one of them is part of the mission, part of the reason Eden’s Edge exists, part of the chain that gets real food to real people who need it. They’re not just livestock. They’re the whole point.

When I lose one I fall apart.

Not gracefully. Not with the stoic acceptance people seem to expect from farmers. I fall apart the way you fall apart when something you loved and were responsible for is gone and you’re standing there holding the weight of that and asking yourself every question you don’t want to ask.

Did I do enough? Did I miss something? Was there something I could have done differently?

Why do I try?

Why don’t I just quit?

I have sat with those questions in the mud more times than I can count. I have cried over animals in Alaska winters when the ground is frozen and the wind doesn’t care and there is nobody around to see it and nowhere to put the grief except into the next thing that needs doing.

And then — after the meltdown, after the questions, after the falling apart —

I try harder.

That’s the only answer I ever find. Not a philosophical one. Not a comforting one. Just get up, figure out what happened, do better, try harder. The mission doesn’t pause for grief and the animals still need feeding and somewhere out there a family is counting on what this farm produces.

So I get up.

Every time.

It costs me freedom.

Financial freedom first, because there is no such thing on a nonprofit farm run by a disabled woman in Alaska. Every dollar that comes in goes right back out. Feed. Supplies. Infrastructure. The endless hungry mouth of a working farm that is also trying to feed a community. I am on disability. I am poor. I built something that serves everyone around me and I do it on the financial edge of what is survivable.

I don’t say that for sympathy. I say it because people need to understand what nonprofit actually means at this level. It doesn’t mean comfortable. It doesn’t mean funded. It means you believe in the mission more than you believe in your own financial security and you make that choice every single day.

Personal freedom too. The farm doesn’t take days off. It doesn’t care about flare days or fainting spells or the fact that your neck has been screaming since November. It doesn’t care that you’d like to sleep in or leave for a weekend or have one day where nothing needs you.

Something always needs you.

I gave up the version of my life where I answer only to myself when I built this place. I knew that going in. Most days I don’t regret it.

But I want people to know it was a choice. A real one. With a real cost.

And still.

Still I am here.

Still the meltdowns end and the questions find their answer in the next thing that needs doing. Still the financial edge hasn’t swallowed me yet. Still the freedom I gave up feels, most days, like it went somewhere worth going.

This farm costs me everything some days.

And some days everything I’ve given it comes back in the face of a kid that made it through the night. In a senior who tells me they haven’t had real meat in months. In the particular silence of a farm at dawn when everything is fed and nothing is wrong and the thing you built from stubbornness and grief and refusal to quit is just… there. Alive. Working.

Worth it.

Ask me again on a bad day and I might hesitate before I answer.

But I’ll still answer yes.

Dana Eden’s Edge, Nikiski Alaska

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The Piano and the Sun

Some days, joy is just brisket, sunlight, and the quiet promise of something long overdue.

Some days, joy is just brisket, sunlight, and the quiet promise of something long overdue.

Yesterday was a good day.

Brisket with Dad. Hot sun. Animals all around me. That’s it—that was enough.

I’ve got too many irons in the fire.

And that’s okay.

I’m working each one as I can. I refuse to rush. I won’t push myself to the breaking point. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. I’m just trying to get as much done before winter as I can—and still remember to breathe.

It’s too easy to get swept up in the stress of life and forget to find those quiet, joyful moments.

To laugh.

To sit in the sun.

To eat brisket with someone you love.

I don’t think I’ll ever dance again—not like I’d like to.

But Monday? My childhood piano is finally going for a tune-up. And in two weeks, coming home.

After years of hearing “no” because someone else “wanted to learn,” it’s coming back to me. It’s getting tuned and cleaned, and then—she joins me here.

I’ve wanted this for over twenty years.

Soon, I’ll be playing again.

Not for applause. Not for recitals. Just for me.

With only the animals to hear.

I’ve already picked the spot—right by the window, where I can see the world I’m building while the notes pour out.

It’ll help my hands, too. Keep them moving. Keep the music inside me from going still.

I’ve missed it more than I realized.

Just like I’ve missed other pieces of myself.

Growing up, we let parts of ourselves get buried under the daily grind.

Under “responsibilities.”

Under pain.

Under survival.

Under the weight of others relying on us.

We forget that joy can be quiet.

That laughter can be silly.

That music doesn’t need an audience.

I’m over worrying about the mundane.

Over just surviving each painful day like a chore list.

Over the pressure to stay busy, stay useful, stay productive.

Over letting others dictate what is success or failure.

Over fake politness.

Over obsessing about others judgment.

Over others opinions.

And over all the rest of the fakeness plaguing the world today.

Screw society’s addiction to stress.

I want more fun. More silliness.

More quiet moments that make me smile just because.

And if that means carving out a little bubble in this chaotic world where I can just… be—

Then I’ll be quite content.

Find your joy with those you care about. Hold it close. Cherish it.

And if you don’t feel there is enough of it in your life…

Make time for it.

And make time for those in your life that could use more of it as well.

Love & Laughter are infectious. Spread that instead of spreading the societal norms of stress & chaos.

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A Cheep Surprise by the Muscovy Brooder

(I forgot to post this last week.)

Yesterday morning, while making the usual rounds at feeding time, I heard something unexpected: extra cheeping near the Muscovy brooder.

Now, I’ve known for a while that one of the hens had been sneaking off to lay somewhere in that area. I just could never seem to find the nest, and it had been quietly driving me nuts for weeks.

But the cheeping was getting louder… and more desperate.

I followed the sound until I finally found it—a single, determined little peeper nestled among a clutch of eggs. Not far from that? A second, cold nest. My heart sank for a second, but I scooped up the warm chick without hesitation.

Momma hen was nowhere to be found, and while I know she’ll likely return soon, there’s a wildcard in the yard, my daughter’s Malamute. And let me tell you, I trust that dog about as much as I trust a great white shark not to bite.

This little one is special. Really special.

The mother? One of my original Cornish hens.
The father? Could be the White Leghorn rooster… or the Alaska Ninja Roo. Either way, this chick is a mix I hadn’t planned on until next year at the earliest, but nature clearly had other plans.

So today, Momma Hen’s getting a private suite, and any new hatchlings that follow will join her there safely. For now, the lone chick is in with this year’s freshly arrived original Cornish batch, warm and content.

And yes—I’m definitely marking today on the calendar. I’ll be watching this one and its future siblings closely. Who knows what kind of traits and temperament they’ll carry?

And the best part?

I’ve got a broody Cornish hen.

Can we say AWESOME?

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A Note to the Woman Who Feels Broken

Standing on the Edge | Wednesday Dispatch

You don’t owe the world strength today.

If all you did this morning was rise enough to feed what depends on you, that is enough.
If you lay back down in pain, exhaustion, or ache, that does not make you lazy or less.
It makes you human. It makes you tired. It makes you in need of gentleness.

I know, because that was me yesterday morning.

I saw to the goats and flocks, the dogs & cats, made sure everyone had feed and water, and then I crawled back beneath the blankets. My body ached in too many places to count. The weight, not emotional or even mental, but physical- the weight of pain was nearly too heavy to bare.

Sometimes, being broken doesn’t look dramatic.
It looks like feeding the animals and then curling up in bed with a heating pad.
It looks like whispering “I’ll try again later,” and meaning it with all the tenderness you have left.

And later, I did.

I rose again. Slower this time, but steady. By noon, the bouts of intermediate sun had burned off the last of the morning rain, and I made my way out to the duck and goose pen. The air smelled like mud and wet feathers. They greeted me with chatter and splashing, more curious than demanding.

There was no grand moment—just a quiet rhythm returning. One scoop of peat moss, one emptying of their mucky pool, one task at a time. And with each small thing, I felt a little more like myself again.

The happy honks and quacks as crisp clean water filled their pool, and fresh soft peat moss covered their mud soaked run were evidence enough. They were happy. That’s all that mattered.

The animals don’t expect perfection from us.
They trust us in small doses, with muddy boots and soft voices.
Maybe we should trust ourselves the same way.

So, to the woman who feels broken: you are still good.
You are still trying. You are still here.

And that is not failure.
That is faith.

One step at a time, even if the first is from your bed to the barn, or wherever you need to go.

— From the edge of the world, with care and understanding
🪶 Eden’s Edge

Be gentle with yourself, be forgiving of yourself, and above all—love yourself, even on the rough days. 🌿

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🌿 About Me: Farming From the Edge of Everything

I live on the edge of the world — in rural Alaska — and I farm with a body that many doctors gave up on long ago. I’ve been told to stay down, stay still, and stay quiet.

I’ve never been good at doing what I’m told. Ever

🩺 What I Live With

I have Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis (PPMS), a form that I can’t treat conventionally due to severe allergic reactions. I also live with:

  • An unknown form of Dysautonomia (undiagnosed because insurance won’t cover the specialists)
  • Hemiplegic Migraines that mimic strokes
  • Myoclonic Seizures and a handful of neurological conditions that tag along like bad company
  • No sensation in my legs, arms, shoulders, or upper back — not numb, but gone

Once, a rancher accidentally parked a skid steer on my foot. I laughed when I told him. I couldn’t feel it. He panicked. I didn’t. I walked away with a bruise and a story.

🛠️ How I Survive

I’ve had 21 surgeries and major procedures, many performed without numbing due to emergency situations and allergic reactions.

I walk with forearm crutches, AFO braces, and arm supports — when I have to. Due to fall risk. I fight this and try not to use them.

I can’t feel most of my body. But I can feel the pull of purpose.

And so I farm.

I treat myself holistically — with herbal remedies I make, by eating only farm-raised food, and by refusing to give up.

🐾 Who I Am

I’m stubborn. Willful. Fierce. Independent.
I was that way as a kid, and I’ve only doubled down.

I’m a problem-solver, a creative thinker, and a deeply loyal soul.
I love helping people — especially those who are dismissed, overlooked, or shoved aside by the systems that should care for them.

My animals are my world.
They make me think, laugh, and get out of bed when the pain says otherwise.

I love:

  • Making cheese
  • Skinning and tanning hides the old-fashioned way
  • Growing, harvesting, and learning from the land
  • And this winter, I plan to teach myself leatherworking using my rabbit hides — so I can donate warm gloves and gear to the same people I feed
  • Spinning wool I sheer from my sheep

🥛 My Next Goal: The $1 Milk Share

One of the things I hear most from the families I help is this:

“Do you have any fresh milk?”

And it breaks my heart to say no, because I know how powerful fresh, whole milk can be, especially for seniors, kids, and those with health struggles. So here’s my next dream:

🧡 A $1 per month milk share program, for low-income families, veterans, and elders across the Kenai Peninsula.

The idea is simple:
Once I have enough dairy goats in milk, I’ll meet state guidelines and offer gallons of healthy, raw goat milk for just $1/month to those in need.
No markups. No gimmicks. Just clean, fresh milk, hand-milked and delivered with care.

🌾 Why I Share This

Because people assume too much about disability. About farming. About strength.

I don’t farm in spite of my conditions. I farm because of them.

This life — hard, bloody, cold, and beautiful, is the only one that ever made me feel truly alive.

If you’re new here: welcome.
If you’ve been knocked down: I see you.
And if you ever need to be reminded that broken bodies can still build beautiful things — come visit Eden’s Edge. In all its mess. One day it will be an Eden. My Eden.

We’re still standing.

Even on the edge.

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💥 Why I Built a Farm I Can Barely Run

The truth behind Eden’s Edge, food injustice, and fierce determination in rural Alaska

People tell me I’m crazy. That farming with chronic illness, seizures, and a body held together by pain is reckless. That being on disability means I should sit down, stay quiet, and accept what I’m given. Don’t live. Give up. Accept doing nothing. Being nothing.

I tried that once. I almost didn’t survive it.

So instead, I chose sweat, straw, and the stubborn heartbeat of something bigger: feeding people who are constantly overlooked.

🥚 The Problem

Food banks hand out moldy produce and spoiled bread.
Pantries run dry before the end of the month.
Seniors live on cereal and fear.
Veterans go to bed hungry.
And if you’re disabled, like me, you’re expected to be grateful for whatever scraps come your way.

That’s not okay with me. So I started growing food — real food — and giving it away.

🐐 The Solution

I raise:

  • Chickens for eggs – Future meat production
  • Rabbits and goats for meat
  • Ducks and geese for joy (and more eggs)
  • Sheep for future lamb production (I have a ram lamb and yearling ewe!)
  • And a whole lot of hell when needed

I deliver food directly to those who need it — no shame, no strings, no secondhand rot.

This farm isn’t fancy. It’s not outside funded. It’s run on grit, compassion, and a whole lot of duct tape, blood, sweat and my tears.

✊ Why I Keep Going

Because when a senior cries over a dozen fresh eggs…
When a vet hugs a frozen rabbit and says it’s the first meat they’ve had in a week…
When a kid sees a goat for the first time and laughs…

I know this work matters.

💬 This is Just the Beginning

If you’re new here, stick around. Read the stories. Meet the goats. Share the mission.
And if you’re in a position to help — with feed, livestock, funds, or connections — I’d love to hear from you.

Because at the edge of the world, we grow more than food. We grow hope.

Inspiration is the ultimate goal. Disability doesn’t define who we are. Or limit what we can accomplish.

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